I'ma Go Lay Down

Happy Wednesday…

I’m up later than usual and it’s been this way all week. Ever since I’ve been out of the classroom, I’ve made it a point to be intentional about my days. Working for myself means that my time is organized by me and while it sounds simple, when you’re over 40 and scatter-brained possibly due to perimenopause, time management is a feat.
During the Covid lockdown I was a time management MASTER. I lived on such a structured schedule and I was SO productive, happy, and proud of myself. I spent the last four years in the classroom reminiscing on being at home and getting things done.
Since being out of the classroom now, I manage a little bit but it’s not exactly the same. Here’s why…
My body isn’t the same. I mentioned possibly being perimenopausal for one. I’ve also been living with some conditions that overlap and have taken a toll on my body. For one, I’ve been chronically anemic for my entire life. I’ve been on iron pills, liquid iron, diets that are “high in iron…” I’ve even had a blood transfusion sixteen years ago. Three years ago I found out the real reason for it and I was also told that I will never have a normal hemoglobin level, but there is a sweet spot for me, where I won’t have to be on supplements or receive transfusions, which is how I manage it now. The way to that sweet spot is to have a procedure to attack the other condition. So that’s what I’m preparing for.

One of the things I dealt with while in the classroom was being sick more often than being well. But as a young Black woman one of hardest things to admit to is being sick, being incapable, and needing rest. I knew that I needed more rest in order to get well or at least feel well but so much was required me and to admit “I can’t do that right now because I am sick,” was a cop out. I would be giving in to laziness. I wasn’t persevering. Frankly, it’s embarrassing to admit that I need a little more rest than the average person some days. Why is the truth so embarrassing? Well we know why, and that’s another blog post.

I slept in today because I stayed up late last night to write. I’m no longer 26 and while I can still force myself to run off a few hours sleep, it proves to be risky for me. The first thing I do every morning is walk 1.5-2 miles. I walk the track in my complex or I walk on the treadmill. I like to do it at 7:30am, but today I’ll be down there around 9am, because my body needed more rest this morning and now I’m in the bathroom writing this impromptu blog in the notes app on my phone.

I like to start work at 9am and my adult learning clients know they can generally reach me around that time. I won’t start my actual work until around 10am though and that’s fine. I’m in charge of my time and more of it these days must be used for rest and self-care.

My head is clearer and I’ve been a much better help for both my adult learners and my consulting clients. Since admitting I need rest, and actually resting.

I’m not advising anyone to do what I do, except listen to your body, and be honest with yourself first, then others. Being dishonest landed me in the hospital for a week being pumped with a strangers blood, and for some reason, I still didn’t learn then. Now I’m forced to listen and be honest. Use your sick and personal days PLEASE. I know we like to save them up for vacations—that end up draining us 🤦🏾‍♀️ and this might require you to plan a little and be intentional as well. If you can plan an itinerary for your family for 5 days on an island or water park or ski resort, you can plan to SIT DOWN with a cup of tea. You can plan to meditate. You can plan being silent for most of a day. You can plan to SLEEP and recharge.
I know nowadays we’re saying “rest is resistance,” and all that, and while it’s true and beneficial to know, I can’t lean into that part of it. Right now it’s about me. I need rest because I am no longer choosing to feel uncomfortable and unpleasant for 90% of my day.
I had a coworker that used to turn off the lights in her classroom, close the door and take a nap at her desk. If you peeked into the room you wouldn’t know she was there. I should’ve been doing that, but I wanted to have my lesson plans for the next week prepared already. But then my lesson plans were a mess because… I didn’t rest. See where this is going?
Start simple. If you feel tired, if you feel sick—body aching, nauseous, headaches, sluggish, say out loud to yourself “I don’t feel well.” Hopefully, the next step is to address and not ignore.