Fuck a White Christmas

It’s called SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder. Lack of sunlight can cause depression. I do experience this. I’ve been experiencing it since I was 11 years old. I don’t even know why it started or how to describe how I feel… it’s just really bad. Then as soon as the temperature breaks and the sunlight hours increase, it’s like I feel my insides blooming like flowers.

I don’t like snow. I don’t like cold weather. I only participate in winter holidays because I have children in my life. I was banned from putting up Christmas decorations in my house as a teenager because I was a killjoy. My job was to take everything down alone January 6th and I was happy to do it because to me it meant spring was coming soon.

Do not take it personal if I prefer not to attend winter events. It’s hard enough facing outside going to work every day. All week I look forward to being home, hiding from the dark skies. All winter I look forward to spring.

Despite what was happening, I was ok December 2020-March 2021. I worked from home and I never left my house on foot. I wore winter weather boots ONCE that whole time.
My significant other has really helped me manage over the last two years. This type of depression requires people that understand it’s nothing personal and no you cannot snap out of it. They understand that the heat needs to be on 1000 and the lights have to be on. They let you curl up with your books and watch crime documentaries, and keep you hydrated with tea or wine lol.

If someone you know exhibits this pattern, don’t guilt them for hating winter. I would love to be happy to see Christmas lights or play in snow, but... I. Just. Cannot.