Soft Girl Era

From the Urban Dictionary

​I ignored this phrase.
 
When I got into my relationship, and showed happiness, people would say “Oh you in your ‘Soft Girl Era.’” I didn’t really respond because it was usually in response to what my man does for me. I would think to myself, “But nobody treats me better than I treat me. I been in my Soft Girl Era. I won’t credit him for it.”
 
Today was different though.
 
I’ve always been a semi-tomboy. When I was a teenager, I wore a lot of sweatpants, and sometimes boxers. I loved sneakers. Nike Air Max and Nike Cortez were my thing. I wore other sneakers, but Air Max and Cortez is kinda where I lived. I got into a relationship with some-of-y’all-know-who, and that got shut down. First of all, I had a baby so sneaker shopping just didn’t go the way it used to. Second, what I did get, was surely, feminine. Last, I was literally told “Get rid of the boxers, baggy jeans, and sweat pants. I don’t wanna feel like I’m walking down the street with a twelve year old boy.”
 
So that’s what I did.
 
I wore pink Nike Dunks, low-rise boot cut jeans, with crop tops, and peek-a-boo thongs. *Sigh.* It wasn’t all his fault. Low-rise jeans with your thong showing was the trend at the time. I was also thirty pounds underweight, so oversized clothes would’ve swallowed me anyway. He was the catalyst though.
 
Today, me, the new man, and the bonus kid went to the mall—mostly for her to have a good time. I wasn’t thinking about anything for myself. On the way out of the mall though, he said “Get whatever it is you want or need.”
 
I just looked at him. I didn’t know what he was talking about, where that came from, or where it was leading. “What do you mean?” I asked.
 
“If you need or want something on this floor, get it now,” he said.
 
I pursed my lips. “I thought we were getting something to eat. Like are we going to the food court?”
 
He rolled his eyes. “I just mean anything that you want or need now.”
 
I was still stuck—mostly because I acted like a crab on the way to the mall. So I was thinking, Why would this man buy me anything right now?
 
We had another interesting exchange before entering a store, one I won’t elaborate on because it’ll take this post into a completely different direction about men and their inability to empathize with perimenopause.

And still one more detour...

My daughter has been insisting that I buy Mom-jeans and straight legs. She wears boot cut all the time and I’m like “been there, done that.” But she’s like, “Mom nobody wears skinny jeans as much as you do. You gotta try something else.” So I’ve been eyeing looser jeans and remembering the younger me who loved baggy jeans and oversized t-shirts. In the last few years, sweatsuits, and oversized t-shirts over leggings have become my off-work uniform. I’ve also been back on my sneaker kick, making sure I have a t-shirt, hoodie, or sweatsuit to match every pair.
 
Today, I picked up a pair of Mom-jeans, and three oversized t-shirts. He got them for me. When I got home, I tried on the jeans. I was happy and comfortable, and I felt cute. Comfortable-cute has become my m.o. for every item of clothing I buy. I showed him and he nodded his head with approval—not that I needed it. But you like to think your person thinks you look cute too.
 
I went upstairs to our bedroom after showing him the jeans and spread my t-shirts on the bed. Then the words came to me “Soft girl era.”
 
This is it, I said to myself. Today I feel like I am in my Soft girl era.
 
Why?
 
Not because he bought me stuff. He buys me stuff all the time. This man will get pissed off about something at work, leave the office to soothe himself with retail therapy, and buy me something. So it wasn’t that.
 
He bought me things I liked. Things that are not necessarily feminine. Things that make me and only me happy. There weren’t any stipulations. He knows that sneakers, oversized t-shirts, and sweatpants are my thing. Not once has he said to me, “You look like a boy,” when it came to my tomboy clothes. Do I think he likes them? Eh… In his fantasies he would probably have me wear maxi dresses 24/7, because he has this affinity for "maxi dress wedgies." However he likes when I smile more than anything and all it takes is some t-shirts to match her lil sneakers to make her giddy? Shit, why not?
 
I think a Soft Girl Era is different for everyone. For me, this is it. There aren’t stipulations on the clothes I choose. When we moved in together he didn’t raid my closet and start tossing out what he felt wasn’t feminine enough. My Soft Girl Era is filling my closet with my comfortable clothes--not teacher attire, not sundresses, not booty shorts, not the things that supposedly make you more feminine. I get to show off and feel cute in my cozy clothes, and the atmosphere between us is filled with quiet, cozy content.

From the Urban Dictionary